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Home Sick and Interesting Stories

I am down with the flu or something, so I am home sick. The fun part of course is that I still have to work, as I have a phone con with a supplier tonight and if I miss that I had better not just be sick, but dead as well.

However, thanks be to Lindsayism via Coquette for this very hilarious Comedy Central Intern blog entry that reminds me of a story of something I did once. Yes, I actually did it.

Here’s the story. Once upon a time I lived in a smallish suburb of Phoenix, in a smallish house, with a smallish pool and crappyish neighbors :). But that is neither here nor there. In anycase, one day while I was living in this smallish house in the smallish suburb, the Momon missionaries came calling to attempt to convert me. For those of you who know me, you know my feelings on religion in general. I am generally not very positive about it. Something about the inquisitions, the witch trials, the suppression of science and the indulgences just rubs me the wrong way. Again, neither here nor there.

Anyway, on this particular day the missionaries caught me at a bad time. In our new neighborhood I had grown VERY tired of the constant horde of door-to-door salespeople constantly knocking on my door and trying to sell me things. Unfortunately though, I had not yet gotten to my current level of cynicism and annoyance, whereby I now open the door and blurt “Iamnotinterestedcan’tyouseethesignGOAWAY” and then slam the door. No, at this time in my life I was much more naive and much less direct.

So I open the door and the missionaries start into their spiel about how God is our savior and if I’d only give myself unto God I would be saved, blah, blah, blah. So, deciding to have a little fun with them, I say “Hmm… well, I already have a faith that I believe in, won’t this conflict with the LDS Church?” No, no, no, they assure me. If I already believe in God then I am one step closer to salvation. In anycase, they would be happy to help me convert to the TRUE FAITH. “Hmm”, I said, looking confused, “I’m still think it would conflict with my current beliefs. I don’t think my Master would approve at all.” “Master?” they ask. “My master Satan”, I replied, trying to hiss just a little bit, and glower at them. They quickly apologized for bothering me and left in a rush… 🙂 I particularly enjoy telling this story to my good friend, who is a Mormon. He just sighs and no doubt consigns my soul to hell. However, to hear him tell it, hell will just be Earth, and the way I figure it, if I’ve dealt with Earth this long, I can do Hell Earth standing on my head. Besides, I no more believe that than I do that we have to cut the beating heart out of someone at least once a week or the sun will stop shining. Religion is nothing more than the use of superstition to explain the unknown. Luckily we now have science we can use instead. Unluckily, most people believe whatever they are told early and often.

2 comments to Home Sick and Interesting Stories

  • Jones, too

    Good morning, Mr. Jones;
    I have to disagree with you on the value of religion and its place in our lives. Without the Lord by your side and his patient endurance as he waits for you to “come home” to his love and forgiveness you could not have become the wonderful man that you are. I think you could have handled your GM’s funeral better if you had believed she was waiting for you to join her in a peaceful place. I know how much I miss my Dad and when I think of saying or doing something hurtful to someone else, even someone I don’t particularly like, I consider the possibility of not ever being with him again, or GD Jones, or one day the rest of the family. I know you will come back, my son, and I wait patiently praying the Father gives you that opportunity! Anonymous

  • Neepster

    Jones too, I appreciate what you are saying, and perhaps I will one day change my mind, however I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and studying this, and I’m afraid that if I am to change, it will not happen soon. Perhaps we can discuss it when I see you next time. Hope you all are doing well.

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